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The DUMPED!
Break-up Survival Guide.
Maybe you knew
it was coming. Maybe you didn't.
You've been dumped.
So, other than
moping around in your pyjamas, spending quality time with Ben &
Jerry, what can you do? Well, clear away that mountain of soggy
tissues, and I'll tell you how to get through the worst of it, the
first 30 days.
Three things:
Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to mourn. Move forward.
The first
48 hours.
The first 48 hours are the toughest. Give yourself at least
one full weekend to cry your eyes out, eat junk food and lie around
on your couch in a broken-heart coma watching sappy movies or a
kung-fu marathon. Try to throw a few comedies into the mix if you
can, laughter is good for you. If you want to be alone now, be alone.
If you want to be with friends, by all means, invite them to console
you. Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Don't e-mail your ex.
Don't see your ex. Turn your answering machine on and screen your
calls. I'm not saying you should never talk to your ex again, but
give yourself at least a month or so to build up your ego again.
If you think you might be tempted, by all means, invite a friend
over to run defence and keep you away from the phone. Next, force
yourself to think of the relationship as over. Sure it's tough right
now, but it truly is necessary. Grieve for what it was, and consider
it dead and gone.
The first
week.
After your first 48 hours, it is important to get off the couch
and take a shower. Not just for hygiene reasons, (but trust me,
by this time you'll really need it) but because it's now time to
start taking action. Take down all photos that include your ex.
If you need to have a ceremonial snapshot torching, by all means,
go ahead. Put all reminders of your ex (letters, gifts, photos,
etc.) in a box and stuff it way in the back of your closet, or better
yet, your garage - someplace you won't see it on a regular basis.
If you feel yourself starting to idealise your ex, and feel the
desire to call him, sit down immediately and make a list of all
the things about your ex that really annoyed you - the more humorous,
the better. Think hard, I know there's something…
· The way he gave the exact same 22-minute response to every
single person who asked how his job was going for three solid years.
· The psycho-squirrel noises he made when she laughed.
· The cheap, ugly, green, plastic phone he gave you for Christmas.
· The way he tried to hold in her sneezes, producing that
imploding, snorty noise instead….
Whatever you
do, don't call your ex. Start returning to your normal life. Take
an extra 20 minutes with your appearance this week. Sure, you may
not feel like getting dressed at all, but trust me, if you look
good, you'll feel even better. Wear something that makes you feel
stunning or confident. Nothing smoothes the ragged edges of a recent
break-up like a few well-timed compliments. If your weekend on the
couch still shows in your face, put some tea bags on your eyelids.
Make plans
with friends for every Friday and Saturday night for the next month,
and stick to them. Get out and go dancing. It may be the last thing
you feel like doing, but you'll find it's a fantastic release. The
music and physical activity will make you feel tons better. Speaking
of which, exercise four times this week. Yeah, I know you won't
feel like it, but do it anyway. You need those happy endorphins
that exercise brings. Do a little bonding with your pals. Go to
a basketball game, or even bowling. Just get out of the house. One
last thing for this week, schedule a massage. You need it!
The second
week.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. Make a detailed list of
all your good qualities. Remember, you're a unique, wonderful, person,
and someone (probably several someones) will fall madly in love
with you, and you with them. Keep your plans with friends every
weekend, and by all means, do something physical, or humorous, like
going to a comedy club. Work out (three times this week, and for
the rest of the break-up survival period), go rock climbing, or
dance like the Backstreet Boys in your living room (nobody will
see you.) Get your heart rate going. Aside from making your body
look good, you'll boost your mood as well. This week is all about
pampering yourself. Get a pedicure, or sit in the sauna. You've
been through a lot, and you deserve it. Spend some of your newfound
time (and probably extra cash, too) on something just for you. Treat
yourself to a little something nice this week, (read: shoes) and
every week for the rest of the month.
The last
two weeks.
Whatever you do, don't call your ex. You're halfway through
the black period, and the worst is over. This is when you'll start
easing back into your pre-guy routine. Be a little selfish with
your time, and do exactly what you want to do. You should be focusing
on taking care of yourself right now. Now is also the time to start
making long-range plans. Make two plans: One plan for a vacation
(even if it's three years away,) and one plan for your life. You
have a clean slate, what do you want to do? Go back to school? Become
a rock star? Learn how to make crawfish traps? No one is holding
you back now. Write down your goals, and the steps you'll need to
take to reach them.
Holy Moly!
Before you know it, the entire month has gone by. You're through
the thick of it now, and on the road to recovery. Sure, you'll hit
some bumps along the way, but you'll live through this. You've made
it this far, and you'll be a stronger, wiser person because of it.
Someday, you'll meet someone who will love and appreciate you for
the amazing person you are. And this break-up, which is so awful
now, will just be one forgotten U- turn on your path to true love.
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