Dating Tips

Watch out girls, there are a rash of new seduction books on the market for men offering tips and tricks on how to get a woman in bed without even dating her, let alone investing in a commitment as deep as a cup of coffee.

Now, as you all know, I'm quite the advocate for good old love and romance, so I think it's pretty important to be able to spot and neutralize these junior Romeos before they pounce.

Whether you want to cut these guys off before they ever make a move, or just send the signal that you're not an easy target, we've got the Man-tidote.

1) Phone Tag and Other Games.
The one-night stand books are generally divided on whether or not to ask for a woman's phone number. One school (or detention center) of thought is that once a guy has gotten what he wanted (sex) that there's no reason for getting your phone number. Other books suggest what I like to call "The Card Trick" - instead of asking for your number, a guy will hand you his business card, so he doesn't have to go out on the rejection limb and ask for your number.

The Man-tidote: A guy who is interested in you will either ask for your phone number or have gained enough information about you during your conversation to get it on his own (through work, or mutual friends.) If a man hands you his card without asking for your number, simply ask him for a pen, write your number on the back of the card, and return the card to him. That way, he'll not only have your phone number, he'll know that you don't have his. (Putting the ball in his court.)

2) Playing the Numbers
Many of these books suggest that a man has better odds of getting sex by hitting on lots of women with the intent of finding someone who will go for a one-night stand versus asking a woman for her phone number, then a date, and then campaigning for sex. One book suggests that 20% of women in a club are looking for a one-night stand, rationalizing that the remaining 80% must be prudish, involved, or the insecure man's fallback, lesbians.

The Man-tidote: Be part of the 80%. Make a policy not to go for one-night stands.

3) Whispering in Your Ear
Another tip suggests men whisper in a woman's ear to increase excitement, the excuse of course, being that the club or bar is loud and he has to whisper for you to hear him. He'll start about 9 or 10 inches from your ear and gradually move in until his lips are almost touching your ear. While this is an effective way of initiating intimacy, remember that this guy may have an ulterior motive, and that is to get him into position for move #4.

The Man-tidote: Pull your head away the first time he moves in to whisper, signaling that you're not interested in that level of intimacy with someone you've barely met.

4) Feeling You Up
As the player moves in for the whisper, he'll be holding his drink in front of his own chest, knuckles outward. As he leans in for the whisper he'll brush his knuckles against your breast. This is, of course, all under the guise of being purely unintentional, an accident. If you don't haul off and smack him, he'll take it as a green light to continue "accidentally" touching you every minute or so. In my book this is the cheap evolution of the cheesy 1950's move that high school boys made when they pretended to yawn in order to put an arm around a girl at the movies.

The Man-tidote: There are two ways to put a halt to this, with body language (cross your arm in front of your chest, creating both a physical barrier and a strong "blocking" signal) and with words. ("Careful, there"... or "Ooops! You almost spilled your drink on me.")

5) "Let's get out of here"
The guiding principal behind most of these books is that the guy will get a woman so thrilled and giddy with connecting body language and covert touching that you won't have enough time to make a rational decision about whether or not you're interested, and that you'll act (and go home with him) from a purely emotional level. When he thinks you might be receptive, he'll ask if he can give you a ride home or if you want to go somewhere else.

The Man-tidote: Don't leave a club with someone you've just met. First, it's not safe. Second, your perfect excuse is always, "Sorry, I'm sticking with my friends." And third, if a guy is really interested in dating you, he'll ask for your phone number before he leaves.

Remember, most guys are pretty genuine and just as interested in dating and meeting someone special as women are.

As for the guys who aren't - Well, just be sure to keep your eye out for sharks in the dating pool.