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Modern dating is
a minefield of disasters. Traditional worries (what if my skirt is tucked
into my pants when I come out of the loo? What if my date stands me
up?) are now accompanied by a range of brand new concerns. What can
you do to improve your personal safety when dating?
What are the
Risks?
Date drugs are increasingly common and ever more inventive – even
cigarettes can be spiked these days. Abduction, sexual assault or threats
might also be at the top of your worry list. Are these concerns substantiated?
Around 45,000 women
are raped each year in the UK, a figure that peaks during the party
season; 50% of the victims are drunk at the time of the crime. Drug
rape figures are difficult to come by; it has been reported that in
2003, more than 1,000 people reported a suspected drug rape, but only
168 cases were convicted in courts. More than 50% of victims were drugged
at a pub or bar.
You can reduce your
risk by using your common sense; meet your dates in busy, safe places
and get home before it’s too late; guard your drinks; and, if you’re
very worried, ask friends for back up. Here are six essential safety
tips if you’re preparing to meet a date
- Check Online:
If you haven’t met your date before, Google his or her details,
including nicknames, schools and every other detail her or she has
unwittingly given you. This will help you to get a good feel of how
the world sees this person, and it just might save you from performing
a hit-and-run at the bowling alley. Google is the dating world’s
online private eye, letting you in on office pages, newspaper clippings
and even Blogs related to your potential date.
- Dress Modestly:
Whatever you usually wear, tone it down for your first date –
women should expose no more than neck and arms. We’re sorry to
be strict but it’s best not to give your date false hopes until
you have decided whether or not you like him/her. Dressing modestly
has a dual purpose: it’s kinder to your date, whose attention
will be totally devoted to you; and it doesn’t give the impression
that you will ‘put out’ before the night is over. (Some
women have reported stories of men on blind dates who expect sex as
a matter of course – some of whom will plan this out methodically.)
- Choose a Busy
Venue: Picking a crowded bar has many advantages for the nervous
first-dater. For one thing, there are too many men and women coming
in the door for you to keep track of, so the only thing to do is focus
on your drink and think happy thoughts. You won’t suffer the
terrible turn-up-and-run fate that many first-daters report (date
walks in door, date spots partner, date walks straight back out) –
or if you do experience it, you’ll be too occupied talking to
the bar staff to notice. Finally, a busy venue allays your safety
concerns – no quiet alleyways or unknown car routes. If you can
persuade a couple of friends to drink on the next table, so much the
better.
- Buy your
own Drinks: Unfortunately, the days of buying drinks for your
date are over. It’s so easy to spike a drink or cigarette that
our best advice is: always buy your own, then don’t take your
eyes off it. If you need to visit the loo, then finish your drink
first! And, because you’re on a date, be wary of drinking too
much; it could affect your state of mind and lead to post-date regret!
- Your Emergency
Get-Out Clause: Whether your friends are on the next table or
not, an emergency get-out clause is definitely in order. There are
several approaches to this: if you have a reliable friend, you could
ask them to call you at a predetermined time. (When you take the call,
if you want to leave your date, return to your seat announcing a family
emergency – and get the next bus home.) You can also arrange
for friends to meet nearby or even at the same venue, so that you
can indicate for them to join or rescue you using a predetermined
signal.
- Don't go
too Far: If this is a blind date, you simply don’t know enough
about the person to commit to anything in these early stages. Did
you hear about Pam, the internet dater who googled her lovely new
boyfriend and found that he was on America’s Most Wanted list?
Take it easy, play safe, and enjoy a few more dates getting to know
one another – that way all the nasty stuff has a chance to come
into the open…
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